why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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