Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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