Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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