This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
