respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
