Umm I'm too high to move.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
