Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she smelled like a LAN party
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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