hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
