did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
