He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
