I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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