I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
