Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
