Just fell off a train. Bad.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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