Me too!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
