Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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