Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
