The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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