He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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