I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
