we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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