I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
