After last night, I could never be a politician.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
