we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
