i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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