yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
