It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
