the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
