Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
