gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
