cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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