Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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