this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
