Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Drake has all the answers
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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