Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
