I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
