if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
