I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
