I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
