She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
