Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
