I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
