just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
