Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
