You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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