I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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