i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
