I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
