You just made me feel so damn special
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
