The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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