I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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