oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just found puke in my bra..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
