Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
